First Ultrasound

Hi sweet baby,

Today was our first appointment with the doctor and it wasn't a good one :( We waited in the waiting room for about half an hour and then was brought right back to the ultrasound room. They did a vaginal ultrasound and the screen showed a gestational sac and nothing else. I was supposed to be 7w5d but the ultrasound showed that I was measuring around 5 weeks. It doesn't really make sense that I would be measuring behind, because we found out we were pregnant so soon after my missed period. I had blood drawn to check my beta levels and I will go back on Friday to draw again. They'll compare the 2 and if the numbers have dropped since today that means that we lost you around 5 weeks. That's right around the time we found out about you.. give or take a couple days.

I am heartbroken to say the least. I wanted you so bad :( Your daddy is putting up a strong front but I'm sure he's feeling the same as me. I never really felt pregnant but some people don't get any symptoms so I tried not to worry! Part of me wonders if somehow I knew about this all along and that's why I was so worried the entire time. 2 of my friends are both about 13 weeks along and commented on how it was weird how worried I was.. so maybe it was just a sign from God.

I know I can get through this and as soon as it's safe your daddy and I will try again. I'm still convinced that you would have been a little girl. My sweet, sweet little baby girl. If our worst suspicions are true, God has truly been given an amazing new angel to watch over. I know you would have been great, honey. You brought me much happiness in the little time that I knew you. I hope I can meet you someday and tell you in person how much you meant to me. You'll always have a very special place in my heart and I have no doubt that I will love you forever.

Love, hugs & many kisses,
Your loving mama.